Soviet Red Thanksgiving, Black Friday

Well well well... happy belated Thanksgiving, you miserable wretched mongrels,

On that, I must make it clear that I find it horribly disturbing that we celebrate a holiday (and give subsequent good wishes) that, in our modern day, essentially is all about the mass genocide of the turkey. We condemn Stalin and the Khans (Genghis and Kublai... not Shaka) for their shenanigans, and yet each year hundreds of thousands of those awkward, lanky birds are sent packing to their proverbial makers. Ain't it a shame? Talk about a slap in PETA's face.

With the end of the gluttonous fiesta, we wake to Black Friday. When things are down, we hit the day after Thanksgiving, pushing this osteoporosis-affected limboing economy 'back in black.' And what a day it was. Apparently an elderly woman was trampled to death outside of a Walmart, most likely in some God-forsaken mid-western state, by other shoppers stampeding into the low-cost-low-quality Mecca. Elsewhere in this twisted country of ours, two people were shot dead. Normally, this news isn't worth a quarter of the time alloted to weather. I can't believe I just said that. But sadly its true. How many people a day are shot dead in NYC, for fuck's sake? But the really twisted thing... is that the double homicide took place in a Toys'R'Us. A fucking toy store, full of parents and children... the scene of a double shooting. And the self-righteous Right Wing Zealots and patriots of Christ claim Muslims (yes... in general) are barbaric. I doubt and Sunni or Shia ever killed two people over a G.I. Joe or Barby. Then again... stranger things have happened.

So, apparently people are out beginning the laborious task of Christmas shopping. Personally, I've always found the tradition on par with a searing hot poker enema. A mall is hell on earth enough; add the holiday rush and it becomes utterly miserable. Our fears of non-consumerism can be easily swept under the unspoken carpet of shame covering our national floor; its been a long time since buyers killed each other for completely useless merchandise. See Also: Friday, November 17th, 2006.

But will it be enough to give the economy the jump-start, jalepeno up the ass that we need to start moving UPWARD again? I guess time will tell. Something has to be going our way: why else would extremists take over a city, and I'm directly talking about Mumbai, and kill westerners? Natio-ethnocentric as that may sound... it can sadly be noted as true. At least that's my opinion. So sod off. 

At least Black Friday gives us college football. After the three pitiful NFL games on Thanksgiving Day, I need something competitive. The Detroit Lions should be banned from Thanksgiving football, and the Cowboys should try playing a talented team. But I digress. It's bowling time, so make me a White Russian and move over.