Soviet Red Thanksgiving, Black Friday

Well well well... happy belated Thanksgiving, you miserable wretched mongrels,

On that, I must make it clear that I find it horribly disturbing that we celebrate a holiday (and give subsequent good wishes) that, in our modern day, essentially is all about the mass genocide of the turkey. We condemn Stalin and the Khans (Genghis and Kublai... not Shaka) for their shenanigans, and yet each year hundreds of thousands of those awkward, lanky birds are sent packing to their proverbial makers. Ain't it a shame? Talk about a slap in PETA's face.

With the end of the gluttonous fiesta, we wake to Black Friday. When things are down, we hit the day after Thanksgiving, pushing this osteoporosis-affected limboing economy 'back in black.' And what a day it was. Apparently an elderly woman was trampled to death outside of a Walmart, most likely in some God-forsaken mid-western state, by other shoppers stampeding into the low-cost-low-quality Mecca. Elsewhere in this twisted country of ours, two people were shot dead. Normally, this news isn't worth a quarter of the time alloted to weather. I can't believe I just said that. But sadly its true. How many people a day are shot dead in NYC, for fuck's sake? But the really twisted thing... is that the double homicide took place in a Toys'R'Us. A fucking toy store, full of parents and children... the scene of a double shooting. And the self-righteous Right Wing Zealots and patriots of Christ claim Muslims (yes... in general) are barbaric. I doubt and Sunni or Shia ever killed two people over a G.I. Joe or Barby. Then again... stranger things have happened.

So, apparently people are out beginning the laborious task of Christmas shopping. Personally, I've always found the tradition on par with a searing hot poker enema. A mall is hell on earth enough; add the holiday rush and it becomes utterly miserable. Our fears of non-consumerism can be easily swept under the unspoken carpet of shame covering our national floor; its been a long time since buyers killed each other for completely useless merchandise. See Also: Friday, November 17th, 2006.

But will it be enough to give the economy the jump-start, jalepeno up the ass that we need to start moving UPWARD again? I guess time will tell. Something has to be going our way: why else would extremists take over a city, and I'm directly talking about Mumbai, and kill westerners? Natio-ethnocentric as that may sound... it can sadly be noted as true. At least that's my opinion. So sod off. 

At least Black Friday gives us college football. After the three pitiful NFL games on Thanksgiving Day, I need something competitive. The Detroit Lions should be banned from Thanksgiving football, and the Cowboys should try playing a talented team. But I digress. It's bowling time, so make me a White Russian and move over.

The 44th President, Ladies and Gentlemen...

"It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled, Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America. -44th President Elect Barack Obama"

Spoken to a silent and hallowed crowd in the brisk, clear Chicago night, Barack Obama told this country, and the world, that despite the differences... we stand united. Always. If that's not presidential... I don't know what is.

In a speech that brought tears to the eyes of most of the audience (along with many-a-drunks in New York), including Reverend Jesse Jackson and American demigod Oprah Winfrey, our president elect Barack Obama spoke of hard work, challenges... and, most importantly, hope. He showed why the nations liberals/democrats rallied behind him; he also demonstrated why those pesky independent voters, the neutral bastards they are, chose him as their candidate. And what a speech. In my own case, it sent optimistic chills up, down, and all over my spine. Connected with my fellow bar patrons by the pure ecstasy of a democratic win, we celebrated like high school troglodytes after winning the Thanksgiving Day football game. Some cheered and screamed with joy; some sat slouched on chairs, tears streaming down their faces like broken faucets... stunned by the reality: We Did It!

The past two years, for many, have been one of much sacrifice and labor. Packs of Obama loyalists, who had shed blood, sweat, and tears over the past 20 months in promoting the now presidential elect (goddamn that feels great to say... or type) marched down the street raving madly as if opiates had been put in their punch. Drunk with victory, they allowed themselves to dream, a guilty pleasure that has been long-dormant in the last two terms (and with good reason. Dick Chenney STILL gives me nightmares). And the party was NOT relegated to our country. Around the world, citizens of every walk of life partied like it was 1999 again; they too saw a hope in the regal pontification delivered by Obama. Once again, perhaps... the United States of America can stand as a beacon, lighting the way for the rest of the world.

While hope still runs rampant, this morning brings about a strange reality. We have our new president-to-be and he is the icon that physically represent the change wanted in this country; however, as the celebration wanes, the bitter reality of our current state pops up once more like a cockroach trained zit. In a little more than two months, after January 20th, President Obama has his work cut out for him. Whatever can be done to stop our gradual sink into the bog of economic recession must be done FAST; jump starting it back into a positive one is another matter. From social issues to foreign relations, the young president will be busy. But for now, my dear word-junkies, we can rest easy and take a deep breath. The first priority has been accomplished: prove to the world that we, in fact, ARE a country of free, idealistic people. Amen.

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. -President Obama"

Two Years Down; One Final Day

Well well well...

After almost two years of this maelstrom of an presidential campaign, the day has come. Election Day. The end all be all free for all of the American political system. Not for the weak of heart (so sorry, John... you might be disqualified for that matter alone. Which leaves your running mate...), and for those who become nauseous easily... stay out.

But by some act of divinity... or an abundance of amphetamines pumping through peoples' systems... the early voter turn out is on track to break all records. And how could that be? Does it have to do with this historic election, where either a black man will become our first minority president or a woman our first vice president? Possibly. Its certainly not for the joy of standing in line all day, waiting to get your shot at an antiquated voting machine. But by no means am I advocating not voting. Quite the contrary. I find the very idea of people refusing to vote both moronic and utterly offensive to any semblance of a nationalist still left in me. I mean really... we are the nation most notorious for standing on our global apple box and shouting to the world the joy and magnificence of democracy, and yet people are too lazy to pull their ass out of the couch, miss non-stop television for a few hours, and participate in our government.

Nonetheless, even as the pure cynic that I be... I feel optimistic about this year. God, Allah, Buddha, Zeus, and Martha Stewart willing... the youth f the nation WILL actually do their part. Remember the good old days, in the sixties and seventies (well, early seventies. Before disco came in and made the world a terrible, terrible place) when the young voters actually gave two thirds of a damn about the state of their country? Well, it seems possible that this year might see the same zeal and enthusiasm about politics as our vaunted "golden years." 

I for one am incredibly excited. In 2004, the democratic party had a shot of adrenaline... much needed since the final days of Wild Boy Billy Clinton. And that surge came in the form of Barack Obama. A young, intelligent, articulate senator with the charisma and ideology that was reminiscent of JFK, he gave new hope to the youthful democrats. Now, four years later... we are on the potential eve of his election to the presidency of the United States of America. Unlike his competitor, the self-righteous, sardonic, verbose, Mickey Mouse-voiced self accredited 'maverick' John McCain... Obama has inspired many in this nation to look forward. The chance for change is his methodology, as opposed to the GOP's campaign of fear and uncertainty. I mean Jesus... watching some of the Republican smear ads on television, I'm afraid to step outside lest some rogue group decides to take me and half of West 4th street out. What a surprise: the party that brought us Nixon now using paranoia and fear.

Look at it from this perspective. If Barack Obama wins, we will have elected the first African American president; the dream of Dr. Martin Luther King, jr. will have come to fruition. So, in the eyes of the whole world... we, the nation so proud of our "equality, justice, and unadulterated freedom" will finally have lived up to our claim. Equality will have finally been made commonplace. It will also show that, in the end, we the people DO care about this country. That we don't take our civic liberties AND duties lightly, and that when a party has failed to meet the needs of the people, we will not be blatantly STUPID enough to re-elect the same party once again. And last but not least... it will show that people like Sarah Palin will NEVER ascend into real powers of authority, and for good cause.

So, my dear little mongoloids... with even less to do than me... remember. It is a gift, freedom, and right of every citizen to vote. And even more, a responsibility. Now go! Get to it! Tear the doors off the hinges at your local voting station like a pack of drug-addicted hippies desperately seeking opiates from a local pharmacy! Just remember... by the end of tonight, we may be spraying each other with the finest cheap-champaign; we also be quietly drinking cheap port from the bottle while sobbing in the corner, wondering where we went wrong... once more.