Oh How We Loved Them...But Where Have They Gone?

I had an epiphany last night.

Wandering around the gentrified grunge of the Lower East Side, surrounded by spray-on jeans, a copious amount of leather jackets, and far too many people with messy hair... I realized that New York's gone weak. That is to say, over the past thirty years, since the psychotic rampaging days of the Warriors (and god-dammit what better way to reference a time than a cult classic), New York has undergone a "spring cleaning" to rid the city of as much crime and crackheads as possible. And then of course, there were the days of that self-righteous, hypocritical fink of a weasel Rudy Giuliani. Frankly, I would begin praising every known deity in existence if he were to be suddenly attacked by a pack of rabid badgers... clawing, biting, and scratching at his midriff for hours on end... culminating in his castration. But I digress. 

The whole point of this diatribe is that New York has lost it's edge. There really are no more havens for filthy, sketchy, grimy dives... no bastion for the reckless, the apathetic, and the lunatics to rest their anxious souls. I mean, really folks! While it's very nice not getting mugged every day, we need a bit of filth back up in NYC. I fancy a drink when I can; everyone's got their vices... some of which I don't condone, some of which I don't care. Either way, though... where has the refuge gone for the little china doll so snow-blind she can't even find her Virginia Slims? Why have nicotine freaks been cast out into the abysmal, bleak night known as winter? Hey... I understand the concept of "being healthy" but isn't that supposed to be each person's choice? Who the hell claims to have the authority to tell people not to smoke, not to drink, not to have unmarried intercourse. Christ in a cracker... we're not the bloody Puritans anymore.

While perusing the city last night with a compatriot of mine, we mingled in some of the more well-known Lower East Side staples. Stopping in 'Pianos,' we listened to some wanna-be hipster indie band. First off, the sound system was falling apart. Second... the front man was an idiot. He had no concept of stage presence or performance. Now, if that room had been hazy from half a dozen skin-and-bones thin hipster chicks chain smoking... with the distinctive allure of the illicit... it would have been much more entertaining. At least to watch. My whole point is that even the "grunge" has become chic... even the beat has become hip. For example... last night at 'Pianos,' a gaggle of suits had descended from the bourgeoisie uptown apartments to mingle in the downtown dives. But their very presence destroyed any appeal like that. It was a crystal clear sign that such a world doesn't exist anymore in New York. So I stand on my apple box and call to the masses: fuck your space. Bring in the hookers... bring in the drunks, because everyone else in New York is now just a punk. Sit on that, Rudy!