Ladies and Gentlemen... I Give You President Obama; When Did Newspeople Become Idiots?

Ladies and Gentlemen... on this most auspicious of days, allow me to happily give you our 44th president... Barack Obama. Goddamn that is sweeter to say than President-elect.

I, like most Americans (or at least I hope), was plugged in and turned on to watch the inauguration of our new president. Unlike the poor suckers who were planted in D.C. since the wee hours of the morning in wretchedly cold weather (those lucky, lucky bastards. And yes... G.W. I'm talking about you AND your camera!)... I was in the [relatively] cozy confines of my apartment... drinking hot coffee and listening to Brian Williams and Tom Brokaw comment on all details. Despite the cheap, insufficient excuse for heat in my building... it all seemed like a dream. And this is a dream that has unified not only our country; instead... it has unified our image as a nation undivided throughout the world. I personally love the concept that we've fulfilled the dream set forth 45 years ago by one of America's greatest. In your face, all you hypocritical racist bastards still out there in the world!

There was, however, something horribly wrong with the day. It was not the presence of master of evil Dick Cheney... it was not the awkward wave of silence that descended when the now former president emerged. It was... the news broadcasters. How in gangly God's gravy did Katie Couric become the lead anchor for CBS nightly news? Because of that position... she was covering the inauguration. And I have to say... I've never heard such MORONIC commentary since.........fuck! I can't come up with some cleaver analogy. Which means it was probably the WORST I've ever heard. I mean the woman called Steven Spielberg an "American dignitary." DIGNITARY! Are you goddamn serious? The man is a director... not some bourgeoisie aristocrat landowner from medieval Europe. Get your already limited vocabulary straight, Couric... you neophytic mongoloid! And by the way... just because you now wear glasses doesn't mean you look any more intelligent. You and your Sinead O'Connor haircut straight out of Chelsea can go straight to Hell or Florida! I mean this crazed barbarian interrupted someone from the NAACP just to state a fact that part of Obama's speech was from a song. She went so far as to say "Just a bit of trivia for you!" Does anyone else realize how stupid this woman is?!? I feel like a raving lunatic, because apparently no one else is stepping up to say anything about this talking foot warmer. So now I am. Hear me well, world: KATIE COURIC IS AN IDIOT AND DOESN'T BELONG WITHIN THROWING DISTANCE OF A NEWS DESK! Jesus Christ on a crouton... all this talking about that plastic-faced mannequin is making me have a caffeine fit. I need coffee.