Bank of America: The Epitome of Evil

For some reason, unbeknownst even to the Almighty him/her/itself... I trust my money and credit line to the evil, insidious, iniquitous, insipid pustule of a company known as Bank of America. As if they serve America....

No. Bank of America is a misanthropic sociopath of a corporation. In fact... they should be renamed. Instead of Bank OF America... it ought to be 'Bank which pulls down the American citizenry's trousers and proceeds to rape the shit out of the average Joe and Jane.' I think that is a befitting nomenclature, indeed. Because frankly... all actions taken by that fist-fucking corporation are anything but empathetic or philanthropic. When, all ye average, vapid masses, have the conglomerate bourgeoisie banks ever done anything to make your life easier? Remember the Depression, people! These assholes are the very same people that screwed us once; now, they exist on an entirely different echelon. God save us all.

Aside from being an industry of sycophantic megalomaniacs, hell-bent on stealing and extorting every possible nickel and dime from your pocket... they are also the largest congregation of moronic, morally-indigent stooges. Not to mention being wholly unhelpful and completely disrespectful and condescending. Every time I've been forced to call the customer "support" line... I end up speaking with a lackey housing the IQ of a discarded, used prophylactic who ends up making me loathe humanity that much more. As opposed to helping me solve my problem. It's not so much the incompetence that gets to me as it is the sarcastic and supercilious attitude with which I am dealt with.

A perfect example of this is my BoA credit card. Recently... within a few months ago, my old card hit its expiration date. So, I was automatically sent a new one. Which was fine; I used it for two months without a problem. And the renewed card wasn't set to expire for another few years. Yet this month... they issued a new one to me. Without thinking, I just assumed they were sending an unnecessary duplicate. Thus... I cut it up. But, low and behold... in their infinite "wisdom" Bank of America decided to change my digits by ONE single number. FOR NO APPARENT REASON! The result: the card on my person is essentially equal in value to a hobo's toenail. And the best is yet to come! Being Bank of America (one of the two largest banks in this rapidly dying country of ours) and me living in New York City (our nation's economic, cultural, artistic, and social epicenter)... the soonest they could get my NEW card to me is 5-7 business days. FIVE TO SEVEN BUSINESS DAYS. Can Bank of America be THAT inane and ineffectual that they cannot get a replacement credit card, they... BANK OF BLOODY AMERICA... to New York City in less than 5-7 days? Really... how demented is that?

If we're lucky... these devious Philistines will be drowned out in this economic recession of ours. Now I'm not usually a spiteful man... but these pinheads deserve the Guillotine! Off with their heads!